Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is one of those buzz phrases that gets thrown about, as important as “being cool”, but equally as vague.

There is exploration to be done here, so this subject may occupy a few articles.

Rather than debate definitions and argue semantics as the academics in the field do, let’s look at ways to demonstrate it, use it, express it. Without having to get a PhD in it.

We will start with Emotional Literacy.

Emotional literacy is the ability to identify and communicate our feelings. Only once we know what our feelings and responses are can we deal with them intelligently. If we have a vague or inaccurate idea of our feelings and emotions, we would be Emotionally Inept.

When we communicate how we feel, our state and experience can be described using 3-word sentences. Examples of this are:

• I feel sad
• I feel motivated
• I feel hurt
• I feel excited
• I feel afraid

So what steps do we take now to develop a higher degree of emotional literacy?

First, start labeling your feelings. Use 3-word sentences beginning with “I feel …”.

Avoid labeling people or situations. Say “I feel unsafe”, rather than “You drive like a frickin’ idiot”. Say “I feel hurt”, rather than “You’re an insensitive pr*ck”. Say “I feel disappointed with the outcome”, rather than “You guys are a bunch of losers”. Say “I feel distressed/distraught/pressured/uncomfortable right now”, rather than “I feel like a total frickin’ idiot”.

Learning theory says that “Learning has occurred when behaviour is changed”. Simply when you  begin to apply these changes in your communication,  you are demonstrating learning, and  you have actively improved your EQ.

This would require perhaps 10 articles to cover the subject fully. My aim is to keep the content simple and accessible for all and sundry. I hope you found this first step to be of value.

As always, please leave your comments below.

Tags: Communication, LinkedIn, Social Dynamics, Social Intelligence, Verbal Communication